im 22 now, shes 20. i had a girlfriend for 4 years. Over the years we have honestly been the Perfect couple, you saw us together and knew and knew we would get married one day. we had our little arguments and fights but the good times definitely outweighed the bad. she was perfect for and to me. she would offer to pay when we went out to eat, she bought me stuff (clothes, random candy) she was always there to offer a hand and a shoulder to cry on, we went traveling together and dealt with alot of family and friends problems and were always there for each other she loved me beyond words. but i do believe i love her more. keep in mind i was the same to her in every aspect. the relationship was equal
the problem: about 3 months ago something inside me flipped, if you asked me now, i wouldnt be able to tell you what it was, and i made the biggest mistake of my life having sex with another girl, a random girl from a college club i was a part of. and we had sex in her car with a condom, i didnt cum and in my head now it just went very quick. after that little ordeal, i went to the local pharmaacy and bought a bottle of sanitizer and rubbing alcohol, came home, and washed myself out completely when i got home.this happened about 2 months ago, ever since then i couldnt bring myself to tell her just yet because i was so scared of losing her, i felt and still feel ashamed, embarrassed, disgusting, filthy.. and i dont know what i was thinking, what came over me that made me do what i did.
so 2 days ago the girls good friend decided to facebook message my ex gf and tell her everything that happened. it really upset me that someone wouldnt mine their own business and tell her everything just like that. she was at my house when that happened, and i told her the truth and she left. ofcourse. to make matters worse, the girl that i did it with called my ex and told her what we did, and she decided to add stuff like, "i went to his house for dinner and his family met me" and "he told me he loved me to get in my pants" . i never brought her home and i definitely never told her i love her. she came yesterday and took all of her things, including pictures and memories, and i kept some stuff she wanted to take. but while she was here we sort of talked, and she told me that i still have hope in getting her back if i tried hard enough.
i dont want to lose her, i know i deceived her and i hurt her and lost her trust, but i dont want to lose her, we are a perfect couple together, we have met each others family’s inside and out, we have talked about marriage and having kids together.
ive never cheated before and was never in this situation. right now the only thing i could think of is to give her space and to buy her a card every day and write something in it along with a picture of us and leave it for her to find in her mailbox or on her car windshield.
please… i know i messed up and im not looking for nasty comments, i know im supposed to be with her and her with me, i love her more than anything and i would never do something like this again.
what can i do to get her back?