I have had this friend for 13 years. She is 15 years older than me, but that has never been an issue.
She can be very backhanded with her comments, and has always been sarcastic, and normally I just let things go but its all getting rather cruel and I feel like putting her in the picture about how I will and wont be treated.
Some examples of late have been: At my wedding reception, she told me "there are a lot of people here who have always underestimated you, but you are actually highly capable, and anyone here with any doubts about you wont have any doubts about you when they leave" ????? So people think tiny of me, yet they flew 1000 km to be at my wedding and now because it was a beautiful day with a classy reception, I have proved myself?
*A comment on my husband: "I remember him when he was at the school I taught at… he wasnt very bright"
She sent me a wedding pic she had taken, and it was really lovely. I rang to say thanks so much and she replied that she had called it ‘edited’ because she had fiddled around with it quite a bit to make it look nice.??
I could go on, but this is enough I think to give you the idea. I value her, but I am tired of the digs and how she disguises her anger or whatever it is with a thin veil of being nice. We travelled overseas a few years ago together, and recently she went with her partner. She commented, "we will have a great time I am sure,but, as you know you have to be so careful about who you travel with".
I couldnt help but wonder if she was hinting that I was a pain.
She asked my husband and I to housesit for her a year ago, which was a holiday opportunity for us as she lives in Sydney.She also said we could use her car. Well we said yes, and when we got there, she asked if we wanted to use her car, as she would prefer us not to. Then when she got back made hints about how much money we saved in accommodation because we stayed at her place. I am so over these comments and sick of her moving the goal posts! I cant win!
Im in my 30′s shes in her 50′s and perhaps that is part of it. But regardless of what is the issue, I feel that if I tell her I am sick of her negativity, she will just become nastier.
I had a phone call with her over two months ago, which wasnt great. She wanted to nit pick and seems to resent my happiness. I emailed her, she wrote back a month later. I replied, its been six weeks and still nothing.
She will probably say, " I have been so busy" but there is always time for friends.
I feel like telling her she sounds bitter and I have come to this conclusion through her rudeness and put downs. I want to tell her I dont need people like that in my life. Ive also realised shes not much of a confidant, and loyalty is very important to me. Perhaps too much so, since I seem to feel bad for wanting to tell her I am hurt and confused with her thoughtless words.
If this was you, how would you deal with it? Or from what you have read, what advice do you have?
Thanks so much,
I dont want to be confrontational with her,but I am thinking I have put up with her putdowns for so long that it will be a shock for her if I finally say what I think. I am doubtful that it will change things though. I think she will just be sarcastic and end the call.
Hmmm.
